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By Marty Jonas (SchoolSelect.com.au)

My father has told me many stories about his primary school days back in Europe. ‘I had to walk through 1 metre of snow for 3km to attend school with wild animals chasing me’ (perhaps slightly exaggerated!).

It seems that ‘back then’ attending school was not an option. Come rain, hail, birthday or ‘unconvincing cough’, attending school was unnegotiable.  Going to school was seen as a privilege and an opportunity to learn, grow and peruse a better a life. 

Oh how times have changed! Today school attendance and truancy is a huge issue and problem, so much so that the Department of Education needs to invest in initiatives such as ‘It’s Not OK to Be Away!’ to convince kids to go school. Attending school every day of every term (200 days a year) is not too much to ask, or is it? Unfortunately for many families school attendance is not valued or seen as a priority (ouch).   

Anyway, who’s responsible for getting our kids to school? Is it the State, the Education Department, our schools, the teachers or the parents and carers? Tough question, but ultimately all members of the school community must share this responsibility for the benefit of our kids.

Studies have revealed alarming truths about high student absenteeism.  Student’s who regularly miss school lack cohesion in their learning. Often they miss the key foundational skills that serve as building blocks for future learning. Think of a house, if you don’t lay the plumbing you’ll soon run into huge dramas in the later stages of construction. It’s extremely difficult to add a drainage pipe once the slab is poured! The same applies to students and leaning, without a structured step by step process students are at a higher risk of experiencing long term challenges with their learning.  Missing out on school makes it hard for students to piece together their learning, instead of linking skills from day to day their learning can become fragmented and frustrating. It also places an unnecessary burden on teachers and other members of the classroom.

Attending school consistently includes many benefits, including improved learning outcomes, stronger relationships as well as improved social skills and a healthier self esteem. It is crucial that all students develop a habit of regular attendance from an early age, even as early as pre-school. Have you got your child in the habit of attendance?

Understandably not all students are able to attend school everyday due health related issues or other personal circumstances. However, we need to make the effort!  The next time your child fakes a cough or has their birthday think twice! Remind yourself and your child, school is a privilege and everyday in the classroom contributes to a lifelong purpose. If my dad could walk through 1 metre of snow to get to school there should be nothing stopping us!

What do you thinK? Leave a comment below...

 

by Michael Grose ©
Australia's No 1 parenting educator!

I hadn’t been to one in years………… a kids’ birthday party, that is.

Recently I was invited by a relative to the 1st birthday of her daughter, where I got a first hand lesson in some great parenting.

The birthday girl’s mum organised party games, catering for toddlers through to early primary school kids.

The kids were great. The older children gave way to the younger kids, who weren’t exactly into sharing. They were mindful that the younger ones needed some leeway.

Well, all except for one very lively four year old, who just about needed a rope and tether to hold him back. He took charge and wanted to boss the other kids around…….

BUT his mother was brilliant! She stood by him as he played, patiently reminding him to “wait your turn”…… “talk nicely”…….  “share” …….. “put that back”…… “think of others”.. . You get the picture!

This mum had THE difficult child. She had the child that every parent was thanking their lucky stars they didn’t have. Her son was lovely, but lively………he was very high maintenance.

I could sense that this mum was embarrassed by her son’s behaviour. That somehow people were equating her son’s boisterous and, at times, overbearing behaviour with poor parenting. BUT there was nothing further from the truth.

This mum worked damned hard at the party to make sure her son developed a sense of ‘other’. She constantly reminded him that he didn’t live in a bubble and that his behaviour impacted on others. The other parents may have been watching on, but this mum was definately hands on.

She will need to be persistent. She will have to repeat her core messages using different words and different situations for many years until her son behaves independantly of her. She has a job on her hands.

Parenting is easy…….when you have easy kids. Anyone can raise the placid child, the one who likes to please.........the easy-to-get-along-with child. BUT it takes different parenting to raise robust, act-before-they-think kids.

If you are the parent of a high maintenance child then persistence and consistency are your best allies.
Dr.Sal Severe, author of one of my favourite parenting books How to behave so your children will too! (order here) maintains that consistency is the most important element in a parent’s relationship with their child, particularly when he or she is challenging.

He’s dead right. Kids like consistency from their parents. They like to predict their parents’ reactions. It makes them feel in control. And they need to have important messages reinforced so they can sink in. That takes persistence.

Here are three practical ideas to consider if you have a high maintenance child or simply a child who can be challenging from time to time:

1. Use the proximity principle when you direct them:  Get up close and personal when you are guiding your child’s behaviour. Stand close by, even touch them, to make sure that they hear and feel you. This is not about intimidation, but teaching.

2. Tell, show, practise: Create lots of chances for kids to practise social behaviours at home. Play games, share meals and pack away toys together so kids learn to go slow at home. It’s easier to teach sociable behaviours at home than in public places and spaces.  

3. Be willing to go home when kids don’t cooperate: At some point you may have to pull up stumps when you are in public and go home. In the case of the mum and boisterous boy I am describing it was best for her to stay as her son was responding to her reminders. He was being mindful of others…….he just needed to be reminded…. If he had ignored his mum and continued to dominate party proceedings it may have been best for her to take him home. But in many ways, being at the party was a good learning experience for him….however, it was wearing for his mum.

There’s a strident lesson to take from this party scenario – we need to avoid at all costs making judgments about the parenting of others, based on the behaviour of their children. Some kids are higher maintenance than others and require their parents to work really hard to develop a sense of ‘other’ in their kids.

Rather than being harshly judged because their kids are behaving poorly these parents need to be admired for their vigilance and persistence..........…and given a thoughtful, helping hand along the way because there but the grace of god.............…

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Michael Grose is a leading parening educator, renowned author of seven parenting books and runs parenting seminars around Australia.  He is also the 'Body & Soul' Parenting columnist of the Herald Sun, reaching 6 million readers every Sunday!  For more information about Michael Grose plus great parenting advice and resources visit www.parentingideas.com.au. 
 

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